indecisions........indecisions.......INDECISIONS!!??

this post was actually supposed to be about a topic that intrigued me when i saw a movie from my kitty of hidden gem-flicks called kinky boots(wonderful movie, must-watch that makes you appreciate who you are!!) anyway, i thought of exploring the very complex psyche of women and what *exactly* they wanted based on one of the dialogues of the movie!!....what indeed??!...someother time, i guess!!

......i changed my mind about the topic after a car drive with my dude.........to an exam center and back!!.....that was supposed to explore the complete transformation of my dude from a good driver to an absolute total show-off *playboy*.......not kidding.............also vent all my anger and frustrations about the utter disregard that most of the drivers of Hyderabad seem to posses and be proud of(?!)......also touch on my seething, boiling rage at my dude for expecting me to be PERFECT from my very first drive!!.....seriously dude, Rome want built in a day!!.....i WILL make mistakes! and then, learn from them.........duhhhh........

that very night one of my friends made my day and week, i might add, by telling me about the best experience of his life!!.....he went BUNGEE JUMPING.......fuck.......he actually jumped!! hell........now, i got so excited about this that i decided i was gonna fucking go all hyper on my blog's ass!!(if it has an ass?!!)........for those who dont know me, my only life ambition was to go to New Zealand and bungee jump there which i believed had the highest point!!.......i was recently corrected that the highest point was in fact in Colorado....! :D i continue to remain in a state of psychotic, hyper, giddiness of joy!....if you are wondering why?!......i not sure....but it is a combination of joy for his experience, jealousy and an unexplained anticipation of the rush of emotions that i expect myself to feel when i get to do it!!(beyond irrational, go figure!!??)

anyway, as i was staring at the blinking cursor it occurred to me.........what was i doing?! why was i thinking so much?!....why did i have to plan anything?!........let it flow......and flow freely...........to free my mind, i went through the millions of pictures on my computers(i have retained them, wohooooo.....!!) the thing about pictures is that not only they make you nostalgic but open your mind to the mistakes you make back then.......from really bad footwear choices to people you hung out with, who now, you have no clue where they are!!.......memories of friends and of family.....and a few strangers!!.....lol.........

each moment so different from the next..........each glance telling a different story.......each emotion so clear and yet hidden!!.......now, sitting and look at the past.....knowing how it all turned out till now.......i wonder would there have been different expressions, different people......different situations in those pictures??! if you knew the future?!........but then again, do you ever know the future? do you ever know what is gonna happen?! do you want to know it if givena choice??!(time machine.......whole another issue totally!!).......does it always go according to how you planned?! how you plan?!.........aaaaaahhhhhaaa.....do you have a plan?!......are you brave enough to face and survive if that plan doesnt work out?!

from personal experience, my plans never work!!......i mean, NEVER!!.......guaranteed......i plan and the exact opposite happens!!.......you might say....plan so that when the opposite happens that is what you actually wanted............hehehe.......for all you clever smart asses........i already figured that out and tried it to.......the result you might ask??! the outcome was so strange and unexpected that even in my wildest dreams did i think that something of that caliber is even remotely possible!!........catch my drift?!!

but you can never help making plans.........even unconsciously......there are plans being made!!.....what to eat, when to sleep, what to do.....from the smallest thing like when to pee to when to go out to avoid traffic to what to do in the future?!!.......my bloody, little, fucked-up brain is doing all this.........without your permission!!......screwing up the very body's life it takes refuge in..........so, what do you do?! what can you do?!.......like i said LET IT FLOW........go with the flow.......no worries.........no appointments with anyone or anything.........i have been soooo lucky because i didnt care......didnt bother to even acknowledge the fact that i will awake up the next day.........it worked wonders for me.........trying ever so hard to get back to that............blissfully unaware!!........carelessly ignorant!!.............not a worry in the world!!................the way a life should be lived!!