off the top of my head

fingers numb......hands restless........legs twitching.......eyes unfocussed.......a million things going through the screwed-up head........having a staring match with my dude.........have nothing to say to my moma, still talking.........nothing to say........talking.......nothing to say.......complete 360 degrees from 24 hrs back!........J hugging me in the middle of crossing a heavy, traffic laden road calling me cute as i was boasting about my amazing "tea"............hating her for ignoring me while she talks to her "other" friends.........sleeping besides A after a really delicious, heavy 2 hr long lunch...........hugging her even though she is resisiting..........hating her for changing her mind about joining us the next day........hating myself for not calling E.......hating her job which made her life so hectic.........missing her......her warmth......her care.........hating my bloody house......hating him for shifting........realising i wasnt even supposed to be here........where did it all go wrong!? how did it all get so screwed up?! being so thankful for everyone's support.........am better off now, here, at this very moment.........cursing fate for moving DP so far.......remembering her say you have idea how much you mean to me in 9th........different sections in 10th.......difficult to hang out all the time......ahhhh.....messy 10th!.......making people cry........writing bloody emotional letters.......hating school........moving to the city from the corner of outskirts.........damn, back to the corner of nowhere........buses........lovely conductors........stupid bloody people who crowd the buses..........fucking auto drivers........why the hell do your autos have meters??!.......bloody shops......with your useless merchandise........unecessary consumerism.........spending.......broke.......worry!! hating everyone's life and envying it......then realizing they arent happy either.......wondering what the fuck is going on with the world?!........exhausted......every single body part just tired.........aching.......need sleep.......wait, i just woke up 5 hrs back after more than 18 hrs sleep.........good sleep??......mmmmm........water........pure, clean transparent......momentary satisfaction.......so easy, so simple.........so dangerous!! damn the fucking repercussions........blame everything and everyone........backing out......moving out......stopping........no thoughts.......mind still heavy.......head buzzing........legs and hands feel heavy........need rest.........need peace.........where was yesterday and day before?! where was the pillow fight?.....where was the non-stop blabber?! where were the last 4 days?........where are the people?! why does anyone need them?! ........alone.......solitude........birth and death.......isnt it?! ISNT IT???