Last Ditch Effort!

'Whenever things in my head get all gooey and sticky and messy and I can’t get them out, you always come along and you make me feel clean, and you make me feel whole again. Just as I know the sky is blue, I know that you and I are meant to be together. You are my hero, you are my one true love, you are my inspiration.'

Impending

If this never works out………..

I will think like you…..feel like you……act like you……..

I will become you……..i can see it coming……

I can already sense it….

Coming!

Stupid then…..Better now …….really??!

So naïve…….so young……..so carefree……..so immature…..

But yet…..happy…….blissfully so……tweaked with a little sadness……

Good or bad? Look back……..analysing……wondering……questioning….

Why? How? What happened?

Then? Now? In-between?

An enigma…….a butterfly…….

Now turning into a caterpillar……..back in its cocoon….hibernating…..

Is this progress? Is this growing? Or moving backwards?

A joyful glee…………seems empty now……fake.....shocking.....

The dark, dreary present………clouding the bright, bubbling memories…….

Why? Why? Why?

Moving on?…..or Brooding over?

What to look forward to?

A future that will look back at this and laugh........

Or.........one that will remember this as one of the good times?

Immortals in Me

I ignored you……I hated you…..I loathed you……I detested you…..

It came…..it went…….it came again…..strongly…….it went very slowly…..

I lived…….just lived…..without noticing much……without caring…..without understanding

Now I know……..now I feel…….now I understand…..now I accept…

And I am sorry……so very sorry……..

Because I realize you won’t be with me forever……and yet you will…..always…..truly…..completely…..

And I wish to not exist beyond you do…….not know anything apart from you…..not acknowledge anyone other than you!
It took so long………..i am sorry…….i fear it’s a little late…..

I hope it’s not too late! I pray…….i wish……..i beg……….the rest of my lifetime isn’t enough……
I love you both…….so much…….wish I could just say it all the time!

LOST!

A part of my heart ripped away………a common sense taken away……..a rationalization that always helped

I search with my hands wide open……feeling around……in a dark room……so clichéd…..yet so true!

Complicated…..so tangled…..yet so necessary……a life source……need it…….shamelessly…..stupidly….

A loss…..…so essential………I exist……..a dead soul…….

To survive…..…to live……..meaninglessly……

Push…..push…..push………

A chant for new moms…….a chant for workers………a command to the mind of an exhausted creative soul………

So simple, so direct, so harsh, people push so unknowingly, unwillingly…….

Without understanding the demand. Without thinking about implications. Without caring about the effort.

They ask. They command. They say. They do. They push back.

I am spent!