Trials and Tribulations with a HOUSE-LIZARD!!!.............somebody HELP ME!!.....

Okay, for those of you who are unaware........i am SCARED of lizards!!.......terrified actually.......i can't stand them........i am not joking when i say i get heart palpitations when i see one close to me!!!

I don't know when it started or how......but for as long as i remember, i hated them.....i'm disgusted by them!!.......you know what, i really feel sorry for them at times.......they haven't necessarily done me any harm........but it is one of those innate feelings that i cant get rid off!! I maintain a distance of at least 5 feet from them all the time!!.......if the room isn't 5 feet long.....you can bet your sweet ass, i will be in the other room!!.........i have tried to figure out why i radiate such intense hate for this seemingly peaceful creature??!

I can't come up with any reason!!......honest, i have been trying to figure this out for the past 10-12 years......no answer!!.........i hate the way it looks........the flesh-coloured flesh..........the crawling.......the tongue.......the noise it makes like a door banging.......scary!!......but most of all, its the eyes.......the way it looks at you..........as if it wants to gobble me up........just twist its long tongue around my body like a mummy and just devour me!! Ohhh......and the little ones........always springy and fearless........one of them actually almost touched my hand while i was trying to drive it out of the window!!..........they are small and slightly blackish-grey......every time i set my eyes on one of the small ones, i feel like its on me.......like its going to just crawl up my nostrils or mouth or ears......then grow up ......and lay eggs in my body.......and there will be little, wriggly babies running inside me and then they will all come spewing out of my nose, ears, belly, eyes, mouth!!.......ok, enough of that visual.......i'm suppressing shudders here....... I once saw a dead lizard floating in a tub of water........the worst day of my life.........i kept dreaming the whole night that i had unknowingly drank that water and i kept vomiting dead lizards........nightmare......you get the idea!!??!

I know, i know......its probably as scared of me if not more as i am!! But......but......its ICKY!!........uuuurrrrrgggghhhhhh.............I CAN NOT STAND THEM!!.......and probably some day i am going to really suffer because of it!!.......but hey, i never killed any of them!!....i never hurt any of them.....i just want to drive them out of my house walls........is it too much to ask if i just don't want them in my house.........just roam around the house as much as you want!!.....i will hold arrows that point to the nearest exit if you want me to.......just don't come inside......please.........i will leave you in peace.......just roam outside all you want!!......the thing is.......they stay out all winter.......but the moment it starts to get hot......they all come crawling back inside!! .......I will willingly provide ac outdoors.........i will bear all the costs.........just stay outside........DON'T COME INSIDE!!.......PLEASE.....?!

Coming to the reason behind this post, i think one of them is out to get me!!.....am not delusional or kidding...........i spotted a huge lizard in my kitchen the other day.......and boy was it ugly?! It was HUGEEEE.........at least an inch wide.......more than 5 inches long.........and weirdly.......greyish in color.........and a bit scaly?!!.......maybe its a new breed?? Or an offspring of mixed species......i don't know......anyway, since it was on the kitchen plank and i had some work....i tried to make it got out of the window by shushing it......it wouldn't just move.......i had to bang some utensils really loudly to make it more......and it would move an inch or so and stop..............i started panicking at this time.......and it wasn't going anywhere near the window......it just refused to climb the wall.......instead moved leisurely on the plank.......crawled.........all the while, staring at me intently.........with its HUGE, POPPING black eyes........somehow it got into the wash basin and refused to move despite my repeated attempts to get it out of there as i had work there.....it would not move........i didn't want try to even sprinkling water at it.......what if it jumps at me??!! The HORROR.......it hadn't moved from its place even an hour later!!

Later that night, i could no longer go to the wash basin............i flinched and checked thrice before approaching it......the paranoia it induced is humiliating to admit!!......but hold your horses people.........i was sitting in the sofa......watching tv.......i happen to glance at the wall between the two sofas........and there it is!!.......the very same grey scaly black eyed one......looking at me.....intently.........i wish i was making this up........but i am not.......i shrieked and got out of my chair......staring at it in disbelief.........when, i kid you not.......it flicked its tongue at me!!.......its long slimey tongue........and it gave me a once over with its scary eyes and slowly moved away........what does it want from me??! Really??!.....is it the harbinger of my death??!.....was it sent to torture me??!!.......does it like me??!.......and is stalking me??!.....long shot........i sat the rest of the night far away in another sofa.......glancing at the wall..........every 5 minutes!! ..........

Today, about an hour back, i went to the dining room to get a glass of water.......i filled up the glass, drank it......and then was filling up the glass to take it back to the tv room.........when i happen to glance at the floor...............and there it is...........on the floor.............STARING AT ME WITH ITS HEAD LIFTED!!..............aaaaaaahhhhhhhh..............i shreaked, definitely waking up the neighbours.......dropped the jug of water, spilling it all over the table..........i drew back.......while still staring at me......it came towards me!!.........i believe i had a little heart-attack then and there!!...........and then slowly...........giving me a knowing look, it made its way back to the kitchen........i was standing there paralyzed with fear............it was like staring death in the face!!........and i survived..........but how much longer??!

So, in conclusion.........if i die under mysterious circumstances in the near future........and all you find is a suspicious lizard-like mark on my body........you know who the murder is!!..........and i'm not blowing it out of proportions..........find the guilty lizard and persecute it........this goes to all my friends!!..........and coming to my will......everything......all of my belongings.......it all goes to my SOULMATE!!........GOODBYE WORLD, it been a blast while it lasted!!.......will miss every one........LOVE YOU ALL..........MUAHHHH......